Exercise: Preemptive empathy
This exercise is similar to the last, it is designed to help you actively listen by having some expectation of what could be said. Actively listening can be really tough if you aren’t used to it and are under stress.
Preempting how someone is going to react or feel is impossible. Having thought about how they might feel can be useful though and during the breakup, stop you from getting hung up on ‘me’ statements and your own agenda.
In step 2 you were focused on thinking about their side of the relationship and the breakup.
Now that you have had some time to think about this, I want you to list down a few pros and cons of your relationship and the breakup from their point of view.
Take them one at a time, read them carefully and answer honestly.
- List 3 positive things they will no longer have and miss from your relationship. (Eg. Companionship)
- List 3 positive things they will gain or benefit from because of the breakup. (Eg. More free time)
- List 3 things negative things from your relationship that they won’t miss after the breakup. (Eg. Arguments)
- List 3 negative things that will happen to them after the breakup. (Eg. Access to children)
Now that you have your list jot them down somewhere private, perhaps a note on your phone.
This list will be needed during step 7 which is the breakup itself.
Make sure this list can’t be found by anyone and delete it after your breakup, this is a list for your eyes only and could be very hurtful if leaked to others.